Thursday, December 31, 2009
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Bicycle: A two-wheeled device with a metal(ish) frame that is propelled forward when you rotate pedals connected to a chain. It also has handlebars for your hands and a small seat to park your butt.
Trainer: An individual that trains another individual, bug, or animal on a specific activity. Whoops… wrong trainer. A device you can “park” the rear tire of your bicycle on, raising the rear wheel off the floor allowing an individual to pedal like hell for miles upon miles and hours upon hours and never move an inch.
Individual: A person foolish enough to sit on his/her bike parked on a trainer and pedal like hell for hours upon hours and miles upon miles never move an inch.
Overview: Riding a trainer sucks. This class will provide some non-sucky advice on tolerating sitting on your bike parked in a trainer and pedaling like hell for hours upon hours and miles upon miles and never move an inch.
Advice: Avoid riding a trainer at all costs. Your butt will get sore, you’ll start hallucinating and singing, and its boring as hell.
Alternative Activity: Curling, Darts, or indoor Badmitton. Cards are good too.
Extra points: Buy as many DVDs of other individuals foolish enough to sit on their bike parked in a trainer for hours upon hours and miles upon miles and never move an inch and see just how many hours upon hours you can tolerate by watching them pedal like hell and never move. Have another individual in your household (not one that is foolish enough to sit on their bike parked in a trainer for hours upon hours and miles upon miles and never moving an inch) document the time spent beyond 10 minutes. If the DVDs of other individuals don’t’ help you stay on for longer than 10 minutes, buy a device that pumps loud music into your eardrums to a melodic tune of your liking. Yanni may not work - AC/DC will. Take a YOGA class to learn how to endure the impossible. Yes, there’s a reason Yogis can twist their bodies into pretzels. That same philosophy can be applied to figuring out how to sit on your bike parked in your trainer for hours upon hours and miles upon miles and never move an inch.
Final Exam: There ain’t one. You already did it. You accomplished the impossible and now know how to set your butt on your bike seat parked in your trainer and pedal like hell for hours upon hours and miles upon miles and never move an inch. Congratulations.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
1969 Oldsmobile Ninety-Eight Sedan. It wasn't really mine. Like most kids, I got the family hand-me-down. It didn't last too long once I got a hold of it.
But my 2nd car rocked:No, this one wasn't mine either. My dad had a fetish for Volkswagens so this was his, but he left me drive it to school my senior year. To this day, I wish I still had it and tease Rick if I had money to waste, there would be a classic VW sitting in the garage. And here is my 3rd car which was truly mine -- I made the payments for it.
A 1977 Chevy Nova. Boring. But affordable. And your first???
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Oh what fun it is perusing the sale sections of newspapers. Check out these bargains:
Personal cup coffee brewers: $89.99 ($90 for one cup of coffee? Seems a little salty, doesn’t it?)
Single wine bottle chiller: $79.99 (add $200 and you can get an entire refrigerator WITH a freezer compartment!)
Automatic Wine Opener: $29.99 (What… it’s too hard to crank, turn, and pull by hand?!)
Automatic Hands-free soap dispenser - $29.99 (yup… that pumping hurts the heal of my hand)
Frappe Maker - $79.99 (what the hell is a frappe?)
Steam Jewelry Cleaner - $79.99
Triple-track electric shaver - $199.99
Deluxe Nose/Ear Hair Trimmer with Vacuum - $29.99 (just what I need, a nose hair vacuum -- Eewe!)
Bone-shaped dog bed - $12.99
And my favorite: the “Mangroomer” (an electric back hair shaver) - $39.99